In my last post I mentioned getting further along in the interview process for a full time job than ever before, for my dream job and dream location, and ultimately being rejected as all of the stars and planets lined up except one (Fuck you, Pluto, I thought you didn't count anymore!). So here I'll talk more about that whole process for you new librarians wanting to know how these things work.
First there was a phone interview. I knew it went well for two reasons. It lasted longer than it was supposed to, and he told me right then and there that he foresaw me moving to the next round. Pretty big clue, that second one. There's not much to say about phone interviews. They're normal interviews, but over the phone. I wore pants anyway, just in case.
Then there was an online webcam interview where I had to give them a 15 minute presentation. Now, that wasn't the hard part. Remember, despite my constant failure for so many years, I'm not actually someone with no experience beyond fieldwork or volunteering. I've been teaching this stuff for 5 years. You want a presentation? Well I just happen to have 12 of those queued up right now, which one do ya want, punk?
However, it wasn't as easy as it should have been for a few reasons. I was in the middle of my work week during a big grade crunch, so there was that. Also, I don't tend to use powerpoint for my lectures, but figured it would look odd if I didn't have one for this presentation. When teaching classes I prefer to write on the board so things are more dynamic rather than set in stone. Thus, I had to create a powerpoint from scratch based around the lecture I chose. Doable, except that grade crunch made it stressful. Finally, I had a tight 15-20 minute window, and I'm not used to having to care about the time too much. Where I teach there's plenty of time built into classes for them to do their work, so basically, when I'm done I'm done. This one I had to rehearse over and over to make sure I was in that exact window.
despite the challenges and the very short and busy time frame, I came through. I had my second interview, which consisted of yet more questions in addition to the presentation. Again, it went quite a bit longer than estimated, although I wasn't as positive it went as well as the last one. It must have, because the very next morning they called me to meet. So now for phase 3: I make the 270 mile drive where I meet the folks face to face. At this point, the job is riding on my winning personality more than anything.
Fuck.
I actually wasn't expecting yet MORE interview questions when I got there. I'd already gone through two rounds of that, and the guy made it sound like it was really more of a meet and greet, just to make sure I didn't show up covered in children's blood (although their ability to distinguish child blood from any other kind of blood probably says as much about them as it does me). But there were questions. And at no point did it seem to go well. One guy barely looked at me the whole time and seemed bored. One gal was looking at me like she felt sorry for me the whole time. Maybe that's just her normal face, I don't know, but it worried me. The whole thing lasted 30 minutes, including the tour. I drove 270 miles there, spent nearly 200 dollars, and after 30 minutes they sent me packing. Not a great sign.
You know the rest of the story, I didn't get the job. But for those of you wondering what the process was like, there ya go.
For the rest of my life now, I'll always be wondering if my life could have ended up completely different if only for one thing. Would I have had a different job, a different location, a different spouse, different friends, different everything, if only one little thing hadn't gone wrong? Maybe if only I'd thought to say something differently. If only my sunglasses hadn't messed up my hair on the way. If only it had been scheduled for after lunch. Any one of those little things and I might have had a completely different life, for all I'll ever know. All I can do is try to tell myself I didn't get it for a reason, but I have a hard time believing everything happens for a reason, when nothing ever happens to begin with. I always flash back to that conversation in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog:
Penny: Everything happens--
Billy: Don't say everything happens for a reason.
Penny: No, just, everything happens.
Billy: Not to me.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
I think this is how Houdini died
My last post was hopeful, so you had to know I was in for a fall.
I mentioned having had two interviews, and one I hadn't been rejected from yet. Well, now I have.
This is a huge punch to the gut for me, so I'm just going to type this out off the top of my head, no rough draft. No polishing, I don't want to live with this longer than I had to. Just a blunt, visceral stream of consciousness write-up. Be prepared.
This was a job I wanted badly. Not just the job itself, but the location. You'll remember, perhaps, that I'm not being picky about where I apply. So of the millions of cities in the US, what are the odds that I'd be rejected for 5 years straight and then be offered an interview-- and come closer to getting it than I ever have-- in the one exact specific place I wanted to be? A place where, had I gotten that job, the rest of my life could have fallen into place instantly. Millions and millions and millions of libraries, and the one place that comes so close to offering me a job in that time is in that exact city. The odds of that have to be at least 3 to 1.
I don't know what this means. The odds are too crazy to be coincidence, so how could that have happened for nothing? But apparently, it did. It was for nothing, I failed again, and I guess that's a dream I can shove in a hole to die now.
But enough about me, back to the focus of this blog-- what my experience implies for other new or new-ish librarians. And that is this:
To get to this stage of the interview I had to travel, and I had to do it on my own dime. The library was 270 miles away from my current home. I put over 500 miles on my car in 2 days, set out early in the morning with nothing but my GPS and a case of CDs (thank you, Mansun, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Troubled Hubble, Electric Six, and Frank Zappa!), and hope. I spent about 80 on gas both ways, 80 on an inn, and 20 dollars for dinner out (including two glasses of scotch, in a state where alcohol is not as dirt cheap as in WI). So, about 180 dollars of my own money got spent just so I could see a rejection email no different from any other. It could have been a bit cheaper, but I just wanted a place close to the job. Subtract the difference between the inn and a more sensible motel, and not ordering the drinks at dinner, and I could have done this for 150, perhaps. Still, that's 150 dollars.
The issue is, how sustainable is this? Say you're a new librarian looking for your first full time job and you actually do get interview offers. How much of your own money-- especially on your current non-salary-- can you spend going to interview after interview just to add to your collection of emails stating that while you were a strong candidate, they decided to pursue someone who more closely suits their needs?
The other implication for new librarians is this: sometimes this will hurt. Badly. The other rejections I got were easy to sour grapes. I just made "sour grapes" a verb, get over it. But this one, this one would have been everything I ever. It was the perfect millions to one job that I'll never have a chance at again. And now that dream can go fuck off and die forever. I wanted this job so bad it literally hurt. And I mean, before I was rejected. It hurt how badly I wanted it, and I was not misusing the word "literally" when I said that. I came so close to it, beating incalculable odds just to do that, but it was for nothing. I fail. Game over. And sometimes, dear new librarian, that may happen. Not every rejection can be brushed off as "oh well, at least I won't have to move there" or "I figured it was out of my league, but it was worth a shot." Sometimes you'll take a punch to the gut.
I don't want to get off the floor right now. Let me just lie here for a while.
I mentioned having had two interviews, and one I hadn't been rejected from yet. Well, now I have.
This is a huge punch to the gut for me, so I'm just going to type this out off the top of my head, no rough draft. No polishing, I don't want to live with this longer than I had to. Just a blunt, visceral stream of consciousness write-up. Be prepared.
This was a job I wanted badly. Not just the job itself, but the location. You'll remember, perhaps, that I'm not being picky about where I apply. So of the millions of cities in the US, what are the odds that I'd be rejected for 5 years straight and then be offered an interview-- and come closer to getting it than I ever have-- in the one exact specific place I wanted to be? A place where, had I gotten that job, the rest of my life could have fallen into place instantly. Millions and millions and millions of libraries, and the one place that comes so close to offering me a job in that time is in that exact city. The odds of that have to be at least 3 to 1.
I don't know what this means. The odds are too crazy to be coincidence, so how could that have happened for nothing? But apparently, it did. It was for nothing, I failed again, and I guess that's a dream I can shove in a hole to die now.
But enough about me, back to the focus of this blog-- what my experience implies for other new or new-ish librarians. And that is this:
To get to this stage of the interview I had to travel, and I had to do it on my own dime. The library was 270 miles away from my current home. I put over 500 miles on my car in 2 days, set out early in the morning with nothing but my GPS and a case of CDs (thank you, Mansun, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Troubled Hubble, Electric Six, and Frank Zappa!), and hope. I spent about 80 on gas both ways, 80 on an inn, and 20 dollars for dinner out (including two glasses of scotch, in a state where alcohol is not as dirt cheap as in WI). So, about 180 dollars of my own money got spent just so I could see a rejection email no different from any other. It could have been a bit cheaper, but I just wanted a place close to the job. Subtract the difference between the inn and a more sensible motel, and not ordering the drinks at dinner, and I could have done this for 150, perhaps. Still, that's 150 dollars.
The issue is, how sustainable is this? Say you're a new librarian looking for your first full time job and you actually do get interview offers. How much of your own money-- especially on your current non-salary-- can you spend going to interview after interview just to add to your collection of emails stating that while you were a strong candidate, they decided to pursue someone who more closely suits their needs?
The other implication for new librarians is this: sometimes this will hurt. Badly. The other rejections I got were easy to sour grapes. I just made "sour grapes" a verb, get over it. But this one, this one would have been everything I ever. It was the perfect millions to one job that I'll never have a chance at again. And now that dream can go fuck off and die forever. I wanted this job so bad it literally hurt. And I mean, before I was rejected. It hurt how badly I wanted it, and I was not misusing the word "literally" when I said that. I came so close to it, beating incalculable odds just to do that, but it was for nothing. I fail. Game over. And sometimes, dear new librarian, that may happen. Not every rejection can be brushed off as "oh well, at least I won't have to move there" or "I figured it was out of my league, but it was worth a shot." Sometimes you'll take a punch to the gut.
I don't want to get off the floor right now. Let me just lie here for a while.
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