I did not get the job. I still have one more day before I'm able to get really dark about this, so here's the bright side.
This was the closest I've ever gotten to landing a full time job in the library field. My previous best effort was a job in Indiana, where I absolutely crushed the phone and the webcam/presentation interviews, then drove there from two states away, only for them to show zero interest in me from the time I set foot in there until they sent me packing half an hour later. I was leading on the score cards for a few rounds, but in the final round I got knocked the fuck out and buried.
This time, I didn't get knocked out. I did well. I did really well. They spent close to three hours with me, enjoyed my presentation, and let me know in some way at more than one point that I'd impressed them. I went bell to bell and forced a difficult decision. "Yo, Adrian!"
They still went with someone else in the end. It sucks, and more on that later. But the good news is, I wasn't a joke. I just need to find the right jobs to apply for (not an easy task, but they come around now and then), get luck to go my way, and someday I could finally get that call. I was close. Maybe if my interview had been on a Tuesday after lunch instead of a Friday before lunch, or if I'd been elsewhere in the order, or if I'd worn a different color. Who knows, maybe it was just a little thing like that that ended up tipping the decision. It worked against me this time. Next time, maybe it can work for me and finally, after all this time, I'll have a new city for my chalk outline to circle.
The point is, I'm marketable. For the right kind of job, I can get far and get strong consideration. Possibly enough to be the one. I have enough experience, and now I have more confidence. I've learned from past mistakes. I've been able to adapt and force myself to become what I need to be (or, fake it for just long enough to get away with it). I now know I have the skill-set and experience, and all it will take is finding that right interview where the coin flip goes my way. This is no longer impossible.
Don't worry, the next post will be far less positive.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Friday, March 4, 2016
Fore.
Well...
I Recently mentioned that I had applied for two jobs. In that post I was unusually positive, because I'm giving up negativity for lent. Lent is not over, so this is going to be another unusually positive post. I'm actually rather reluctant to make posts like this, because I'm really messing with the formula here. If anyone comes here, it is not for positive vibes. In fact, after all these years I've definitely frightened away anybody who doesn't have the patience to commiserate with a miserable sad sack. If you're here, it's likely because of, not in spite of, the fact that I am a gigantic bummer.
So... my apologies to those who get a kick out of me being wretched. But the good news is that I think this shift in attitude has been good for me. I'm not wallowing in a pit of despair, for one. For another thing, well......
I got an interview for one of those jobs I applied for. First a phone interview, and then an in-person interview.
Now, I'm not saying this happened because of the power of positive thinking or any such nonsense. But not being able to crawl into negativity has definitely made the experience much easier.
Typically I would have spent the entire time leading up to the interview freaking the absolute holy fuck out and generally having anxiety attacks. Instead, I pushed those thoughts out of my head and told myself, "I know what I'm doing, I've got this." Then I'd be freaking the absolute holy fuck out with self-doubt, thinking that I can't do this, that even if I get the job I'll only make a fool of myself, that I'll be forced to throw myself on a sword after my colossal failure. Once again, not this time. Just, "I've got this." Worst of all, these self-doubts and anxiety attacks would have possibly lead to some form of self-sabotage. I'll even admit I fleetingly had the thought: "maybe I should just turn the job down if they offer it to me." I chased that one away fast.
The in-person interview was today. It was the best in-person interview I've ever had. I had an answer for every question. My experience impressed them, and it seemed to me that more than anything they wanted someone with my kind of experience to come in and do exactly what I know can do-- and I do mean know, not just a case of telling myself it'll be ok this time. My presentation went well-- everyone laughed at the right times and one of the professors even said I taught him a new trick with the databases. I made what was, for me, an admirable attempt to mix in with the conversation and be part of the group. I asked a lot of questions that they seemed to think were good questions. The event was planned for three hours, though it was said that it would likely not go that long. However, it nearly did, lasting 2 hours and 45 minutes.
So what I'm saying is, I brought my A game.
Interviews are like golf. There's no defense. Until I see the leaderboard, I have no way of knowing how the others are even doing. I can't control for how well anyone else did, so I can't say I think it was a slam dunk or anything. I may have just had my best in-person interview, and maybe the person before me had their best, and their best was a little better. I don't know. What I do know is that I stepped up to the tee and made solid contact with the ball. And now I kind of feel like I can golf.
I'd been telling myself, in the spirit of staying positive, that this interview would be a good thing no matter what. It showed me that if I cast my line, it's at least possible I'll get a nibble. And this happened with one of the first two jobs I applied for after forcing myself to get back into the game. Even if I had blown the interview, I would look at this as a positive (since, you know, I literally can't complain).
But I didn't blow the interview. I hit the fucking golf ball. So now the positive is that, again, I know I can do this. I know that I can be lucky enough to get an interview, and then actually have a good interview. Which means I can get a job in this field, with the right amount of luck. That's my downside right now.
The upside.... maybe I'll actually get this one.
The location and the hours look wonderful. I'd only be an hour away from my current home so I wouldn't have to never see my friends again. I'd only have to work half-time in the Summer. The city seems... not overly exciting, but most of my entertainment is indoors anyway. The other people there seemed pleasant. As long as that whole "having to throw myself on a samurai sword" thing doesn't happen, I'm thinking this would work for me,
So... here's hoping.
I Recently mentioned that I had applied for two jobs. In that post I was unusually positive, because I'm giving up negativity for lent. Lent is not over, so this is going to be another unusually positive post. I'm actually rather reluctant to make posts like this, because I'm really messing with the formula here. If anyone comes here, it is not for positive vibes. In fact, after all these years I've definitely frightened away anybody who doesn't have the patience to commiserate with a miserable sad sack. If you're here, it's likely because of, not in spite of, the fact that I am a gigantic bummer.
So... my apologies to those who get a kick out of me being wretched. But the good news is that I think this shift in attitude has been good for me. I'm not wallowing in a pit of despair, for one. For another thing, well......
I got an interview for one of those jobs I applied for. First a phone interview, and then an in-person interview.
Now, I'm not saying this happened because of the power of positive thinking or any such nonsense. But not being able to crawl into negativity has definitely made the experience much easier.
Typically I would have spent the entire time leading up to the interview freaking the absolute holy fuck out and generally having anxiety attacks. Instead, I pushed those thoughts out of my head and told myself, "I know what I'm doing, I've got this." Then I'd be freaking the absolute holy fuck out with self-doubt, thinking that I can't do this, that even if I get the job I'll only make a fool of myself, that I'll be forced to throw myself on a sword after my colossal failure. Once again, not this time. Just, "I've got this." Worst of all, these self-doubts and anxiety attacks would have possibly lead to some form of self-sabotage. I'll even admit I fleetingly had the thought: "maybe I should just turn the job down if they offer it to me." I chased that one away fast.
The in-person interview was today. It was the best in-person interview I've ever had. I had an answer for every question. My experience impressed them, and it seemed to me that more than anything they wanted someone with my kind of experience to come in and do exactly what I know can do-- and I do mean know, not just a case of telling myself it'll be ok this time. My presentation went well-- everyone laughed at the right times and one of the professors even said I taught him a new trick with the databases. I made what was, for me, an admirable attempt to mix in with the conversation and be part of the group. I asked a lot of questions that they seemed to think were good questions. The event was planned for three hours, though it was said that it would likely not go that long. However, it nearly did, lasting 2 hours and 45 minutes.
So what I'm saying is, I brought my A game.
Interviews are like golf. There's no defense. Until I see the leaderboard, I have no way of knowing how the others are even doing. I can't control for how well anyone else did, so I can't say I think it was a slam dunk or anything. I may have just had my best in-person interview, and maybe the person before me had their best, and their best was a little better. I don't know. What I do know is that I stepped up to the tee and made solid contact with the ball. And now I kind of feel like I can golf.
I'd been telling myself, in the spirit of staying positive, that this interview would be a good thing no matter what. It showed me that if I cast my line, it's at least possible I'll get a nibble. And this happened with one of the first two jobs I applied for after forcing myself to get back into the game. Even if I had blown the interview, I would look at this as a positive (since, you know, I literally can't complain).
But I didn't blow the interview. I hit the fucking golf ball. So now the positive is that, again, I know I can do this. I know that I can be lucky enough to get an interview, and then actually have a good interview. Which means I can get a job in this field, with the right amount of luck. That's my downside right now.
The upside.... maybe I'll actually get this one.
The location and the hours look wonderful. I'd only be an hour away from my current home so I wouldn't have to never see my friends again. I'd only have to work half-time in the Summer. The city seems... not overly exciting, but most of my entertainment is indoors anyway. The other people there seemed pleasant. As long as that whole "having to throw myself on a samurai sword" thing doesn't happen, I'm thinking this would work for me,
So... here's hoping.
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