Specificity

As us MLIS holders keep banging on the doors that the full time jobs are locked behind, I can't help be amazed and some of the job posts I see, and can't help but wonder how on earth they could ever be filled.  What kinds of jobs do I see when looking over library job sites?  Here are some fun examples:


Due Diligence Analyst (IL). 

I read the job description for this position and I still have no idea what they do.  But putting that aside, I'd love to know how many people went to library school in hopes of one day working as a Due Diligence Analyst.  If you're one of them, please tell me what you do in much simpler terms than I saw.


Product Coordinator- Reading Glasses (RI)

OK, I'm going to assume that this just made it onto a library job site completely by mistake, I don't think it's even supposed to be related in any way.


Bilingual Vietnamese Access Services Assistant (OR)

Seriously, who gets this job?  "Do you have an MLIS?  Do you have experience in access services?  Do you live in OR, or are willing to move there?  Do you also speak fluent Vietnamese?  Well then, it's your lucky fucking day.  Because if you have the qualifications to apply for this job, you're the only one!  Just show up to an interview, pants optional, and the job is yours!"  I would love to meet the person who got made fun of all through school because they studied for an MLIS and learned Vietnamese in the hopes of finding this exact job someday, and then it actually ended up paying off.  I would laugh and laugh and laugh.


These are of course oddball examples, but it's actually extremely common to see jobs that want you to have a second Master's degree, often in the hard sciences.  Yeah, I have a Master's in engineering, but now I'm going to spend the time and money on another Master's so I can go from being an engineer to being a librarian, because... I don't deserve to be happy.

These are the jobs I see when looking for employment.  Jobs I don't see: "Reference," without a bunch of stuff like "programming" and "children's lit" tacked onto it.  I'm pretty sure that used to be a thing, back before my ill fated graduation year of 2008.  I don't think they'll ever exist again.

The happiest of holiday news...

My situation for the past 6+ years has been that I’m a severely underemployed librarian; I teach info lit as an adjunct and make just enough to cover gas, car insurance, and student loans with a little leftover for a CD (because I’m old) or a bottle of scotch (because I’m awesome) or whatever now and then.  Meanwhile I'm living with my parents at 34 because after that I have not enough money left for food and rent because my life choice to be a librarian was terrible, which is what my entire blog is about. 

OK, so my situation has changed.  For the next 4 months of my life (at least) I am not an underemployed librarian anymore! No, I’m just straight up unemployed now, and just in time for the holidays.  Yeah, so that has now happened.  There wasn’t room for me on the schedule for next semester.

To be clear, this is not because of my performance.  As far as adjuncts go, I tend to be taken care of, in part because my boss is nice and knows my life sucks, but also in part because I’m actually pretty darn good at what I do.  No, the enrollment just wasn’t high enough and the full timers need to be put on the schedule first, so I’m out.

And now I get to figure out what to do for four months, and this is not wonderful.  My options for employment outside of my field are just about as good as options inside my field, which is one of the several reasons that supplementing my income with another part time job hasn’t been an option to begin with.

Problem one: I am a very small, weak person.  Last I stepped on a scale, I was 108 lbs of nothing that even remotely resembled a muscle.  I have a frame and a back that were simply not designed for digging ditches, hauling pig iron, or pulling rickshaws.  Hard physical labor is not an option.

Problem two: I have very little in the way of experience in anything outside of my field.  An office job would be doable—in fact I kind of enjoy mindless data entry.  But how often exactly do you see office jobs that don’t require years of experience?  I do have a couple years of very part-time experience in an office, but that organization has since folded (not my fault, promise), and my old boss is, um, probably dead.  That was not a joke, by the way; I think she literally died.  The organization was the two of us—her as the executive and me as the assistant—so there’s really no one around to prove I ever did it, much less speak to whether or not I was any good at it.

Problem three: I can also cross giving blood off the list.  I looked into it and you apparently need to be at least 110 lbs, and you can refer to problem one to see why that’s a no go.  That’s right; I’m not even qualified to give blood.

So I’m seeing three options in front of me.

Option one: Coincidentally, before this crap went down I applied to another crap, no pay, horrible hours job in my field that would put me behind a reference desk in an academic library, and I just had a phone interview that wasn’t a disaster as far as I could tell, so maybe I’ll get this job.  Putting aside the hours that will see me being awake for 18-19 hours straight on Sundays and then driving home at night in that sleep deprived state, this would actually be pretty great in the fact that it would give me more varied experience for my resume.

Option two: Cashier.  I wouldn’t be making much money, but “literally better than nothing” is pretty much my only salary requirement right now, and this is something I could physically handle that wouldn't necessarily require a lot of experience.  I would not love this job, but a librarian’s gotta do what a librarian’s gotta do (and in most cases this means “anything but actually be a librarian”).

Option three: Start studying science.  Master the field.  Invent a time machine, go back to me at 22 and tell myself, “DON’T BECOME A FUCKING LIBRARIAN.”

String beans to Utah

This will be a short update.

I said last time (and surely you remember what I wrote 4.5 months ago...) that I was planning to get back to the good news.  I let it get so long because I was hoping if I waited I'd have even more good news.  Well, that didn't happen, and then the news that felt good at the time stopped feeling all that great.

Anyway.  The good news is that I had some more interviews.  In the span of just a few months, I had three whole interviews, and two of them went well.  Well enough that in another universe somewhere, I may well have gotten those jobs.  The third one, eh, not quite as great (I didn't get past the phone interview), but it wasn't a disaster and it was an interview.

What that means is that in just a few months time, I had more interviews than I'd had in any one year ever since that fateful day when someone handed me an MLIS and, somewhere, I heard thunder and and what sounded like distorted, mocking laughter.  "This is good news!," I thought.  At this rate, I may well have a job soon.  I'm finally starting to see the opportunities I should have been seeing six years ago or so.

But then after that, nothing.  And I don't mean nothing as in I haven't been getting interviews.  I mean nothing as in, I can't even find jobs to apply to anymore.  I keep looking regularly-- a few times a week I'll look over my websites and see what's been posted.  Always the same: a bunch of part time jobs in far off states that I couldn't afford to take even if I got them.  Jobs I have no experience with (i.e., anything public.  These jobs usually fall in the former category as well).  Jobs I wouldn't take with a gun to my head (i.e. anything working with children.  These jobs usually fall in the former category as well).  So, nothing.  I don't believe I even applied to a job since maybe July or the end of June.  There's just nothing I can apply to.

Weird year.  I have a lot of success (compared to what I used to have), but it's all clumped together in one short stretch so for two months I feel like I'm awesome, and the rest of the year just feels desolate as hell.

I was thinking hey, at least on average this year has been better, so maybe next year will be too.  But given recent events, I have little hope for the economy for a while, so.... fuck, maybe I'm just nearing the time I finally go ahead and pull the trigger on giving up for good.  I think I'd make a pretty good trucker.  In any event, I have a lot to figure out moving forward.

Further failure, part one: The bright side

I did not get the job.  I still have one more day before I'm able to get really dark about this, so here's the bright side.

This was the closest I've ever gotten to landing a full time job in the library field.  My previous best effort was a job in Indiana, where I absolutely crushed the phone and the webcam/presentation interviews, then drove there from two states away, only for them to show zero interest in me from the time I set foot in there until they sent me packing half an hour later.  I was leading on the score cards for a few rounds, but in the final round I got knocked the fuck out and buried.

This time, I didn't get knocked out.  I did well.  I did really well.  They spent close to three hours with me, enjoyed my presentation, and let me know in some way at more than one point that I'd impressed them.  I went bell to bell and forced a difficult decision.  "Yo, Adrian!"

They still went with someone else in the end.  It sucks, and more on that later.  But the good news is, I wasn't a joke.  I just need to find the right jobs to apply for (not an easy task, but they come around now and then), get luck to go my way, and someday I could finally get that call.  I was close.  Maybe if my interview had been on a Tuesday after lunch instead of a Friday before lunch, or if I'd been elsewhere in the order, or if I'd worn a different color.  Who knows, maybe it was just a little thing like that that ended up tipping the decision.  It worked against me this time.  Next time, maybe it can work for me and finally, after all this time, I'll have a new city for my chalk outline to circle.

The point is, I'm marketable.  For the right kind of job, I can get far and get strong consideration.  Possibly enough to be the one.  I have enough experience, and now I have more confidence.  I've learned from past mistakes.  I've been able to adapt and force myself to become what I need to be (or, fake it for just long enough to get away with it).  I now know I have the skill-set and experience, and all it will take is finding that right interview where the coin flip goes my way.  This is no longer impossible.

Don't worry, the next post will be far less positive.

Fore.

Well...

I Recently mentioned that I had applied for two jobs.  In that post I was unusually positive, because I'm giving up negativity for lent.  Lent is not over, so this is going to be another unusually positive post.  I'm actually rather reluctant to make posts like this, because I'm really messing with the formula here.  If anyone comes here, it is not for positive vibes.  In fact, after all these years I've definitely frightened away anybody who doesn't have the patience to commiserate with a miserable sad sack.  If you're here, it's likely because of, not in spite of, the fact that I am a gigantic bummer.

So... my apologies to those who get a kick out of me being wretched.  But the good news is that I think this shift in attitude has been good for me.  I'm not wallowing in a pit of despair, for one.  For another thing, well......

I got an interview for one of those jobs I applied for.  First a phone interview, and then an in-person interview.

Now, I'm not saying this happened because of the power of positive thinking or any such nonsense.  But not being able to crawl into negativity has definitely made the experience much easier.

Typically I would have spent the entire time leading up to the interview freaking the absolute holy fuck out and generally having anxiety attacks.  Instead, I pushed those thoughts out of my head and told myself, "I know what I'm doing, I've got this."  Then I'd be freaking the absolute holy fuck out with self-doubt, thinking that I can't do this, that even if I get the job I'll only make a fool of myself, that I'll be forced to throw myself on a sword after my colossal failure.  Once again, not this time.  Just, "I've got this."  Worst of all, these self-doubts and anxiety attacks would have possibly lead to some form of self-sabotage.  I'll even admit I fleetingly had the thought: "maybe I should just turn the job down if they offer it to me."  I chased that one away fast.

The in-person interview was today.  It was the best in-person interview I've ever had.  I had an answer for every question.  My experience impressed them, and it seemed to me that more than anything they wanted someone with my kind of experience to come in and do exactly what I know can do-- and I do mean know, not just a case of telling myself it'll be ok this time.  My presentation went well--  everyone laughed at the right times and one of the professors even said I taught him a new trick with the databases.  I made what was, for me, an admirable attempt to mix in with the conversation and be part of the group.  I asked a lot of questions that they seemed to think were good questions.  The event was planned for three hours, though it was said that it would likely not go that long.  However, it nearly did, lasting 2 hours and 45 minutes.

So what I'm saying is, I brought my A game.

Interviews are like golf.  There's no defense.  Until I see the leaderboard, I have no way of knowing how the others are even doing.  I can't control for how well anyone else did, so I can't say I think it was a slam dunk or anything.  I may have just had my best in-person interview, and maybe the person before me had their best, and their best was a little better.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I stepped up to the tee and made solid contact with the ball.  And now I kind of feel like I can golf.

I'd been telling myself, in the spirit of staying positive, that this interview would be a good thing no matter what.  It showed me that if I cast my line, it's at least possible I'll get a nibble.  And this happened with one of the first two jobs I applied for after forcing myself to get back into the game.  Even if I had blown the interview, I would look at this as a positive (since, you know, I literally can't complain).

But I didn't blow the interview.  I hit the fucking golf ball.  So now the positive is that, again, I know I can do this.  I know that I can be lucky enough to get an interview, and then actually have a good interview.  Which means I can get a job in this field, with the right amount of luck.  That's my downside right now.

The upside.... maybe I'll actually get this one.

The location and the hours look wonderful.  I'd only be an hour away from my current home so I wouldn't have to never see my friends again.  I'd only have to work half-time in the Summer.  The city seems... not overly exciting, but most of my entertainment is indoors anyway.  The other people there seemed pleasant.  As long as that whole "having to throw myself on a samurai sword" thing doesn't happen, I'm thinking this would work for me,

So... here's hoping.

I think, therefore I am sad.

Since this blog is about me being a failure, it is long overdue that I talk about what exactly I’m failing at.  You know what it is in general—I’m trying and failing to be a librarian.  But I can be more specific.  Here are the kinds of position I’m open to:

On the academic level: instruction, reference, and collection development are the places I’m aiming.  Sometimes a position will be jazzed up with a title like “E-learning librarian” and will have maybe an additional duty or two, but this is what I’m experienced in and know I like.

On the public level: reference… aaand that’s pretty much it.

Then there are my “hard limits,” jobs I will never apply for.  These are: archivist, children’s librarian, and cataloging.

Why I want the stuff I want: as I said above, I’m experienced in instruction and know I like it.  Same with reference and collection development.  I don’t have anything against something like acquisitions, nor do I think it would be very difficult to pick up, but my overall lack of experience really precludes me from being able to apply.  When I was doing fieldwork 6 years ago I dabbled a bit in it, but I couldn’t even tell you the name of the system I was using at this point.  The most I’d be able to say to an employer is “I dabbled in it many years ago and I’m sure I can do it, but I don’t have any recent proof of that.”  So, that’s out.  Instruction is really the only place I can boast a lot of experience.

I fell into instruction partly by chance and partly by choice.  When I was in library school my plan was actually to become a reference librarian in a public library.  Finding answers to random questions and dealing with weirdos all while being paid, what more could I ask?  Then came time for me to do fieldwork, and I went immediately to the nearby public library and told them I’m available for free labor.  Their answer: “no thanks.”  Yep, I even failed to GIVE AWAY my free labor on the first try.  They told me they were too busy to deal with me and I’d have to try someplace else.  I didn’t have a car yet at this point, so my options were fairly limited.  There was only one other library I wouldn’t need to bus to, and in fact it was much closer; just a quick walk up a short hill, maybe 5 minutes walking.  The only problem was this was an academic library, which wasn’t where I had hoped my career would take me.  However, I figured the reference experience I’d get there could translate to working in a public library, so I went ahead and asked.  As luck would have it, they were only too happy to help!  I enjoyed my time there and am still in contact with several of them today, and all of them are happy to be strong references for me.  So, you could say that worked out.  What also “worked out” is that I had an opportunity to get a taste of instruction there, and it immediately become my thing.  Perhaps (if I haven’t already—I don’t even remember) I’ll follow up with a post on why instruction turned out to be the path for me.  We’ll leave it here for now and move on.

I consider myself to have lucked out there, not only in discovering the niche I was best suited to, but also because instruction affords me MUCH more opportunity than public reference does.  Part of the problem with many librarian positions is, since our field is now F’d in the B, so many positions have been combined and blended together.  This often means the blending of something I can demonstrate an aptitude in (reference) with something I have no experience or even knowledge of my own aptitude in (cataloging, adult services, youth services, take your pick).  In all of my searching in the last year, I think I may have seen one posting for a public reference position that was full time and was actually just reference.  To just teal deer that for you, so many positions have been merged together that I (and I’m sure countless new librarians) are having a harder time finding a position, not just because there are less jobs, but also because things they had experience in are being merged with things they don’t.

As another example, I think I’d make a good teen librarian.  I love graphic novels, video games, and John Green.  That’s what you could call a good start.  That and I’m familiar with YALSA, of course.  But more and more I’m seeing teen librarians and children’s librarians merged together into “youth services librarians” who do both jobs.  I think I relate to teens more than someone my age probably should, but children are another story.  For one, I hate them.  Even putting that aside, I can’t be relatable to them.  I can’t talk to them on their level, with coos and squeaky voices and feigned enthusiasm.  I just can’t, it's not something I have in me.  It is in the best interest of everybody involved if I am kept as far away from children as humanly possible.  But of course, this means I can kiss goodbye a lot of opportunities to be a teen librarian, which is actually something I could do and enjoy.

This post began as an explanation of what opportunities I’m going after and not going after, and this is a rare time it evolved into a little more as I began to type (I usually have a destination in plan when I begin, but this time I didn’t).  It also began to explain why merging positions creates reduced opportunity beyond the obvious fact that there’s less positions.  I’m not sure yet if it’s been taken into account that we’re not only losing numbers, but many positions have also been combined in such a way that more experience is needed (or at least preferred), creating a double whammy effect for anyone still trying to get solid footing.

This is why sometimes it’s better not to think.  The result is often depressing.

Calculating infinity

Followers of this blog (i.e., me) know that there has been a recent improvement in the number of interviews I've managed to get.  Those of you just tuning in, let me get you up to speed:

My MLIS was earned in May 2008.  I had one interview for a full time position that year.  There was, luckily, that less than halftime position that took me on, which is how I've been lucky enough to have been getting experience since then (although, not gainful employment).

In 2009 I had no interviews.  That's right, an entire year went by of applying to positions all over the country, and not one single person interviewed me.  For an entire year.

Then that happened again in 2010.  Then in 2011.  Then most of 2012.

Yes, seriously.  Four straight years SOLID of applying to jobs and not one single place would even grant me an interview.  That was one hell of a streak.

Then something happened.  After five years of paying my dues at my less than halftime job, I managed to get an interview in October 2012.  By the same time a year later I had had two more.  And one of them went all the way to round three before I was obliterated.  Then another one in May of this year, and finally, one I have yet to mention, another web interview for a position in Arkansas last month (which I obviously didn't get).

So all together that's:

08=1
09=0
10=0
11=0
12=1
13=2
14=2 (so far, just past half in).

Let's put aside the fact that seven sets of numbers doesn't reveal a pattern.  If these numbers were completely random, this would mean nothing.  But they're not completely random.  My increased experience is a factor, and what these numbers reflect is that opportunity is increasing for me.

...Or is it?

You see, I have a fear that I touched on before, but it especially bears repeating now.  The fear is that my experience is actually worthless.  True, the number of years I have on my resume is opening some doors as far as getting to the interview is concerned.  But what happens when I'm in the interview and they start asking me about what I've done so far?

Here's what they'll discover: 100% of that experience is just instruction.  that's it.  Sure I can say that helping students one on one in the classroom counts as reference, but no one seems to buy that.  I put it out there every single time, and every single time I can tell the interviewers consider it a stretch, even if they don't say it.  And if I want to say I've done collection development I have to go all the way back to my fieldwork and volunteer experience about 4 years ago.  If they want to know about my experience marketing the library, or cataloging, or programming, I've got nothin'.

I've been working in this field for 5 years, and aside from a short time doing fieldwork and volunteering, none of it has been in the library.  And this is what is being discovered about me when I interview.  So while I'm getting more interviews, I'm not sure if my current amount of experience is actually valuable at all in terms of actually landing a job.

As it is I'm limited to applying for academic instruction positions.  That's where my experience is, and I've now been typecast in that role.  I have never gotten an interview for a public library, even an "entry level" position (although, I don't really believe there is such a thing as a true "entry level" position anymore, since you need experience for any job you apply to).  I haven't even been interviewed for the position of page or shelver in a public library, and oh yes, I have sunk low enough to apply to those.  As far as academic libraries go, it has been all instruction.  And that's fine, I like instruction.  But there's still that matter of actually landing the job.

The bad news, again, is that my experience may be like that woman who only looks good from far away.  Once the employers get my resume up close, they may be shuddering upon seeing its acne, lazy eye, and 5 o' clock shadow.  At this point I have no idea if what I've been doing is "good enough" to get me a real job.  Ever.

At this point an optimist would say that the interview increase is still good news, because even without great experience I can now go in and sell myself.  For people with natural salesmanship, this would indeed be good news.  For someone who is a salesmanship black hole, on the other hand, this is not good news.  And guess which one I am.

On the road again

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last update.  Work has been busier than usual somehow, but hopefully I can get back to my goal of updating this at least once a month.  No promises, though.

Since you last heard of me I had yet another on-site job interview.  Yes, really.  I think at this point I can say I have confirmed that crossing the 5-year experience mark is making a huge difference.  Within the past year I have now had 4 interviews, which comes after about 4 years in a row of having exactly zero interviews.

This time I only had to travel 3 hours to get there (and another 3 back, of course), so unlike This interview I didn't have to stay the night.  No bill for an inn, no bill for a dinner out, just the cost of the gas for six hours of travel.  And here's the crazy part: they reimbursed me.  The place where I shelled out all that additional money made no offer to do so, but this one where I spent almost nothing in comparison?  They're willing to pick up the check.  I actually could have spent the night and had a meal on them, but I didn't know they'd reimburse me.  And that's ok, because I didn't have the time anyway.  I had time to drive there, do the interview, and drive back, getting it all out of the way in one shot.

So the good news to you aspiring librarians is that not every out of state interview will be on your own dime.  Just some of them.

Oh, I didn't get the job, by the way.  I probably should have lead with that, but I figured that was the least shocking part of the news.  On the shock scale, me not getting a job rates somewhere between "the sun came up" and "bacon is still delicious," while me being reimbursed for my interview expenses rates somewhere between "I got through a day without wishing for death" and "Jesus came back, and it turns out he was Japanese the whole time."

This time I feel less bad about missing out on the job, since it wasn't the millions-to-one job I missed last time.  But I realized something distressing in that bit of seemingly good news:  I'm never going to want a job that badly again.  From now on, every single interview will be entered into half-heartedly.

Maybe that's a good thing.  In some ways, interviewing might be like dating; if you're desperate, it shows, and it's a major turn-off.  And like dating, the more you need the job, the longer you've gone without one, the more desperate you are.  It's a cruel catch 22.  The only way out, it seems, it to reach the point where you're so demoralized that you've given up deep down.  Only when you stop actually giving a fuck about whether or not you get the thing do you have a chance to get it.

I don't know yet where exactly the interview went wrong.  It didn't seem to go badly.  I thought I gave good answers, and they didn't seem to show any facial expressions or body language to indicate that they thought I was a train wreck (and I have a good natural ability to read these things).  But I also did get the impression that they wrote me off during the interview.  For one thing (among a few others), they said the next step was to call references, but they never called mine.  So maybe I said or did something wrong.  Or, maybe they simply had their heart set on someone else who came in before me (I was the last to interview).  I will try to work up the courage to contact them soon and ask if there was a misstep I made that I can correct in the future, but I still haven't heard official word of my rejection, and I think it would be good form to do so.

In the meantime, I am now days away from the new semester starting in my current job, the one I hoped to Japanese Jesus I wouldn't have to go back to.

Save me.

Not very great expectations

We who have been looking at postings for librarian jobs for a long time have long been aware of how laughably optimistic some employers are of the kinds of applicants they're going to find.  More than a decade's worth of experience, a second Master's degree (in a specific particular field, no less), and willing to work 50-60 hours a weeks for just under 30,000 dollars.  That's a worst case scenario, of course, but I've actually seen postings that hit three out of four of those.  Clearly, some people would do well to lower their expectations.  Yes, this is an employer's market and you've got your pick of the litter right now, but sometimes the future Westminster winner you're hoping for just isn't going to be out there.

Now, we job hunters often have a snicker over those job posts, typically before sighing heavily, taking another belt of our favorite drink (hemlock), and throwing ourselves off the roof.  And yet, I rarely hear laughter, complaints, or head scratching about employers on the opposite side of the fence, and it's strange to me because I see them constantly.  I mean those employers who pretend to have no standards whatsoever, even though they clearly need someone with a pretty substantial wealth of experience.

These jobs are extremely easy to identify.  Any time you see a job described simply as "Librarian," you've just found one.  What kind of librarian?  Reference?  Instruction?  Collection development?  Cataloging?  Would this be a supervisory position, perhaps?  Would I be in charge of the website, or be the liaison to the instructors?  The answer is all of the above.  "Librarian" more or less means "you're gonna be the only one here. do it all."  Now that's the kind of job I wouldn't expect to get without 5 years or more of progressively greater responsibility in the library world, having moved my way up to a management position at the very least.  Maybe I wouldn't expect to need a second Master's in Oriental Medicine or whatever, but obviously I should be ready to tackle a huge range of tasks with little to no direction.

I see these jobs all the time.  "Librarian."  "Librarian."  "Librarian."  That vague title that simply means "every kind of librarian you can think of, you're running the show, champ."  And yet every single one of those jobs I see asks for the exact same qualifications: "An ALA accredited Master's degree in Library Science."  That's it.  As if someone who just walked out of library school is perfectly capable of captaining the ship themselves.

What I'd like to know is, are they honestly considering people with no experience?  Is what they list as their qualifications really all that matters to them?  Or are they doing a complete 180 from the laughably optimistic employers above, so afraid of raising their standards too high that they drop all standards altogether for the initial job posting, and simply weed out the inexperienced ones once they've collected the resumes?  In short, just what the fucking fuck is up with these jobs?  I don't suppose anyone in the know can shed some light on this for us long-suffering job hunters?

And if these jobs secretly do have standards, could we maybe see more middle ground between the "I expect a librarian who can ride in on a unicorn, holding the Holy Grail" employers and the "we need someone who can do everything, but fuck it, we're too afraid to ask for more than a degree" employers?  Please?  I understand your perspective as someone who is concerned about raising the bar too high, but maybe you could understand my perspective as someone who is a little burned out after spending over five years applying for job after job after job afterjobafterjobafterjob,  and maybe agree not to waste my time if I don't have the experience you're secretly looking for.  Just an idea, throwing it out there.

Swimming against the current

When I was just finishing up library school and getting ready to face the nonexistent odds of attracting an employer’s attention with very little experience to my name, a friend in the field let me know about the one positive I could look at, namely my currency.  “You’ll be more current than the person who hires you.”  That was the bright side back in mid 2008, and now it’s an edge I’m rapidly losing.  At this point-- five monkey-fucking years into my search for a full time position-- it’s no longer completely ridiculous to think I may actually be less current than the person who will hire me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy to trade that dull edge for my five years of experience (even if it’s just as an adjunct instructor), I’m merely reflecting on how ridiculous it is that I may get my first full time job from someone who is an even more recent graduate than I am.

I also need to consider at this point, how current am I really?  I have to admit, aside from the word “festschrift,” I remember roughly jack about cataloging.  I may remember using Dreamweaver in my digital libraries class, but I don’t really remember how at this point.  What I’m saying is I’ve lost a lot of the knowledge from all those years ago.  Not exactly current.

Besides, after five years, is any of it really still “current” anyway?  Perhaps you could call it “more current” than ten years ago, but a closer miss is still a miss.  “Current” today seems to revolve a lot around mobile devices and apps.  There were no courses on using either of these things to a library’s advantage when I was in school.  Nowadays, however, I see a lot of jobs calling for knowledge of mobile devices, and even experience with designing apps.  That sort of thing is far out of my league, and always will be.  You see, I don’t freaking have a mobile device and have never used an app.  And this is a place where I’m going to have to draw the line and be left behind.  I am simply not going to pay for a device and a monthly fee that I really can’t afford for a product that I don’t have a personal need for and do not want, just to be able to say I know my way around mobile devices and apps.  Librarians like to talk about the digital divide, and this is where I’m a victim of it; I’m being left behind because of the tacit expectation that I’m electronically keeping up with the Joneses, and am willing and able to spend all the money it would take to do so.

I’m not a neoluddite.  I know how to use IM, I know how to create profiles on social media, and I’m obviously on a computer right now (with Windows 7).  But holy crap, people have got to be able to draw the line somewhere, and for me it’s paying a monthly bill for something I don’t even want, just to have the latest technology.  But again, this decreases my currency even further in terms value in the job hunt.  How long do I have to land a job somewhere before I'm considered so out of date that my odds of being hired go from one in 999 trillion to a flat zero?

Have I actually become a dinosaur in my field before ever landing a full time (or even half time) job?

The ice is getting thinner

Please bear with me.  As I mentioned not long ago, I recently lost all of the posts I'd written out prior to starting the blog.  This style of typing up a post as I think of it instead of "perfecting" it weeks or months in advance is a little alien to me.  Hopefully this won't hurt the quality that I'm pretending my posts used to have.

I have just entered the new semester, and I hope to God it is my last.  Obviously I've always been hopeful of that just because I was hoping I'd get a full time job in the field.  By now I've given up on that hope and I'm looking for literally anything else so that I'll never have to teach at this place again.  If I can find a job flipping burgers at Wal-Mart I will take it and never look back.

I mentioned before the behavior issues the students have, especially in this post:

http://failedlibrarian.blogspot.com/2012/12/paying-dues-when-doing-doesnt-pay.html

(skip down to "the workplace environment...")

I would love to go into more specific details, but quite frankly I'd be giving away too much if I did.  In the off chance anyone who knows the school were to read this, they'd know which school I'm talking about, because this kind of crap couldn't possibly happen at any other college.

Next semester will be Spring semester, and I have never had a good experience in Spring.  I don't know what it is, maybe it's the heat, but for some reason Spring brings out the most antagonistic, combative, and hostile students, and every single one of them ends up in my classroom.  I can't face that again, I just can't.  I can't, I can't, I can't.

Unfortunately I'm still wrestling with one not-so-minor problem.  Being a librarian is all I know how to do.  I don't have extensive experience in anything else.  If anything, I'm pretty sure that having a Master's degree hurts my chances of getting a job at a gas station or something.  And much to my detriment, I'm one of the apparently few people who isn't smart enough to hide that kind of thing.  It would just mean too many white lies during the interview.  Maybe not all white.  Maybe a few greenish ones, or even a crimson one.  I'm just not very comfortable with lying.

This is all I know how to do, and all I've ever done for any serious length of time.  I'm a librarian, I'm not qualified to flip burgers.  Where can I go?  The clock to Spring has begun...

Paying dues when doing doesn't pay

The focus of this blog, really, is to to describe the employment situation our field is in, especially to new or potential librarians.  So when I bitch about seemingly personal issues, the message behind it is always: "this is what you will probably go through if you decide to become a librarian."

That being said, I hate my job.

This is the kind of profession where you may very well end up paying your dues in thankless and degrading ways for a long, long time in hopes to get the kind of job you someday want.

This is my current situation:

I work at a career college as an adjunct instructor.  I won't say where because obviously.

It was pretty good when I first started.  I liked my colleagues and boss, I liked the students, and I felt like I was contributing in a meaningful way.

I still like my colleagues and boss.  The ONE good thing I still have to say about this place is that the people I work with are very supportive, and I like to think I do my part to be helpful and supportive back.  It shouldn't be a surprise, it's a pretty common trait for a librarian.

However, when I started I was only teaching 1-2 classes, and I was doing it for the experience, not the money.  I had an office job that was my main source of income.  That business folded (through no fault of my own.... probably), and I was left with just the teaching job.

That's my brief history, now on to why you never, ever want to work in a place like this.

First of all, there is no work/life balance.  None.  The job follows you home.  You will spend your "days off" grading papers, replying to student emails, and preping lectures.  It is an all-consuming job you will be doing for.... hold on, let me move to my next point:

Second of all, the pay is garbage.  You will do this all-consuming job for no benefits and crap pay.  I am currently making $1126.13 per month after taxes.  Notice I said "making" and not "earning" because I earn far more than I'm given.  The powers that be have NO concept of how much work they're realistically asking.  This is not my personal experience, it is the experience of every single employee I've spoken to there.  Every one of them works far more hours than they are paid for.  This might be understandable in a high position where you're already making a large paycheck (I would not agree yet, but some could make that argument).  However, I repeat: 1126.13.

 By the way, this is the maximum (raises not withstanding-- I've gotten 3 or 4 since I started in 2009).  This is what I'm currently earning for teaching 3 classes, which happens to be the maximum I can teach.   Last semester there was only room for one spot on the schedule for me (which is pretty typical of Spring semester, and not uncommon of Winter either) and I was making 394.66.  Yes, that's per month.  On my Master's level salary.

So the pay is worthless and the workload sucks.  What about job satisfaction?  It started out ok, like I said I felt like I was contributing.  But more and more, the students are making things not worthwhile.  What I'm about to describe may not be typical of all schools, but it's typical at mine:

The students give exactly zero fucks.  Exactly zero.  I counted.  Twice.

At a normal school, a student who misses class will contact the instructor and ask what they missed.  That's what we did in college, right?

The students here won't do that.  So I email them.  At the end of each class, an email goes out to every one of my students with the work attached, saying "here's what you missed," and a re-hash of the instructions for the more in-depth papers.  Care to guess how many students can be bothered to take the initiative of checking their God damn email?  If you said "not a one" you are the lucky winner of this lovely set of not a damn thing, because I already told you what I get "paid."  But you would be correct.

I could understand meeting them halfway, but we don't just meet them halfway.  We go up to their door and knock.  And they can't be bothered to put on a pair of pants and answer it.  That's just their attitude: they don't want to take even a minimal amount of personal responsibility.  And yes, we all explain to them how college works.  Admissions does it, the advisors do it, the instructors do it.  We all tell them "seriously, you need to go to class."  And "seriously, you need to do your work."  They've all heard it, they don't care.

The problem with job satisfaction is, it's now to the point where most of the students are not putting in a serious effort, and the few that do are often the ones who don't really need a ton of help anyway.  I feel like all I'm doing at this point is weeding out the students who are wasting their time, and "angel of death" is not a very satisfying job.

And when they bother to show up?  Well that brings me to the last complaint, the workplace environment ranges from "borderline hostile" to "fucking hostile."  This job involves far, far more degradation than I am being paid to take.  The students fight and push back at you at every turn.  No matter how much you lower your standards, it's not enough to make them happy.  I gave up on trying to get them to stop swearing in class, all I asked is that they not use racial slurs.  I tell a guy not to say it, he immediately repeats it to my face.  I had a student rant and argue about every rule I tried to enforce, telling me "I don't like this class and I don't like you." And it wasn't just me.  He put 3 instructors through his brand of terrorism before being removed from the school. I had a student (not even one of mine) come into my room and start swearing as every other word out of his mouth.  Particularly something that started with "Mother" but then took a pretty hard left turn.  I ordered him out, and he walked out swearing at me now with a huge grin on his face, obviously very proud of himself.  And he was right to think he got one over on me-- he did.  I have no idea who he was, and thus no way to report him.  I went to a noisy room next to mine (more loud abusive language.  Of course plenty of racial slurs) and asked them to be quieter.  The whole time I'm talking to them one of them repeatedly barks "NO!" at me.

...I could go on.  For pages.

Even the students who aren't complete assholes by nature wear you down.  There's only so many times you can pass out the most dumbed-down research paper you will ever see-- (4 pages long, and we give the students a list of suggested sources.  They don't even have to find or evaluate the sources themselves, and we call it a "research" paper, because we've given up expecting more of them)-- and being consistently and unanimously told that "you're giving them too much work" and hear about how cruel you're being before you lose any shred of sympathy for the students, and for humanity in general.

Now to bring the point back around: yes, I'm venting.  It had to be done.  But this isn't all about me talking about myself.  The other point I want to make is this: this has been my job for four years now.  This is what I'm putting myself through week in and week out, because as terrible as it is in every aspect (unreasonable workload for crap pay and utter degradation), this is the best I can do in the library world.  This is exactly the kind of thing you may find yourself doing for years on end, week in and week out, in hopes of MAYBE one day being able to land something better.  How many years?  Well, four isn't enough for me so far.  I'll keep counting.

How badly do you want to be a librarian?

What is wrong with me?

I was rejected from another job.  I’ll give you time to fish your monocle out of your drink before I continue. 

  

When you’re rejected from a job you’re lucky if you hear back from them.  These people not only informed me, but they did so by email, which allowed me to have a conversation with them.  This is that conversation:

OK, thank you for the reply.

May I ask you a question?  I've been trying to find full-time work in this field for 4 years now, and in all that time I've only had one* interview at a place where I didn't know someone who knew someone who worked there and was pushing heavily for me.  So I guess my question is, is there something in my resume or cover letter that made you say "Oh my God, no"?

The reply:

There are no problems with your support documents.  The applicant pools are so big now that others are just more qualified.  We do a high matrix that judges each applicant against each required qualification and preferred qualifications.  Each requirement has a weight assigned to it.  Each applicant is rated between 1 – 5.  When all are complete the system sorts them by high scoring applicants.  No one is saying you are not qualified; it is just that others were more highly qualified.  Do not give up.  Keep applying for any position you are interested in; let the department disqualify you; do not disqualify yourself. 

I hope this answers your questions.

Again, thank you for your interest in [REDACTED].

It was quite nice to get a reply. I guess the main reason I’m posting this is because it eliminates one of my main concerns: that there’s something on my resume or my cover letter templates that turns employers off like a fat, balding man in his 30s who has cartoon bedsheets and is exclusively into Asian women. As it turns out, no. The problem is simply that 3 years of experience just isn’t enough experience anymore. Not when the field is in such a dire condition. There is no job I can apply to that won’t have at least 100 other applicants, and some of those applicants will be people who have been in the field full-time for 5, 10, 15 years or more. The bottom line is, there is no room for me in this field, period. Not because of some typo on my resume I can fix, but because it’s full up and they do not need me, and they never will.



*This actually occurred before the WY interview/train wreck posted prior. I decided I'd better post this writing before it gets even more outdated. If it ever will.

Mistaken identity

Yeahhhh, that interview did not go well.  Not even at all.

I fumbled, probably sounded very nervous.  The interview was blocked for an hour, and the email said it would be about 45 minutes.  It went 30.

But that's not really how I knew it went wrong.  No, that moment came when they asked about my online teaching experience because that was what caught their eye on my cover letter.

ummmmmmmmmmm.....

I don't have experience teaching online.  And I sure as hell didn't lie and say I did on my cover letter.  The only reason I can think of for her getting that impression is because I do have experience creating online web tutorials.  But teaching online?  nope, never.

So the entire reason I got an interview at all is because someone misread my cover letter.

The moment I said that I didn't have experience teaching online, I could almost hear the entire search committee audibly deflate.  I imagined them shooting each other looks, perhaps covering the receiver and mouthing: "oh s**t."  The entire tone of the interview went south immediately.  It was admirable of them not to hang up on me right then and there.

I was going to say after the interview, no matter how it went, how encouraging it was that someone at least showed interest in me.  That it was evidence that things weren't completely hopeless, that my credentials and experience are good enough for potential employment after all.

But nope, it turns out that the interest in me wasn't based on anything real.  It was just a mistake, that's all.

So, that explains how I got an interview for a job that I didn't seem like a good candidate for.  It's just too bad that I couldn't get something out of this experience, namely, like I said, the hope that comes with having a place show interest in me.  I just found out the cute girl was only flirting with me because she was drunk, and when the beer goggles came off and she saw the real me, she muttered something about quitting drinking and making amends with her father.  Then she ran for the toilet and I never saw her again.

I have the employability only a mother could love.

The near miss.

With four years of unsuccessful job searching, there must have been some near misses.  Well, the closest I’ve come is the job you already know I have—I was actually hired for a job that makes use of my degree.  The only problem is that it can barely be called a “job” since I believe real jobs pay with money rather than “all the dry erase markers you can steal.”  I’m not even earning half-time pay (despite the fact that, realistically, I’m probably working at least half-time, if not more) or any benefits.  In other words, I still have definitely not found the job I need. 

Other than that, there was one time where I had an interview.  An interview for a real, full time, benefits-included job.  Strangely enough, this was within the first couple of months of getting my MLIS and applying.  I must have actually thought that trend of being invited to interviews would continue, but how hilariously mistaken I was.  In any event, I obviously didn’t get it.  They ended up wanting someone with more experience, and given that the only experience I had at the time was fieldwork, that was fair enough.    And that was it.  In the four years I’ve been applying for library jobs, I’ve only had two interviews.  Two interviews in four years.  If you thought I was overreacting by accepting myself as a failure, please try to imagine a world in which you get invited to an interview two times in four years while applying to any job you can, and tell me how much you’d believe there’s a silver lining if only you “hang in there.”  Bonus points if you imagine those 2 interviews were in the first year, and you have now gone 3 straight without a single employer even willing to talk to you.

At the time I looked at my rejection as positive.  I’m sure I would have enjoyed working there, but I took it as a life experience.  And the employer was quite supportive.  Since it was my first interview, I emailed him later asking if he had any advice or pointers for me, and he was happy to oblige.  Too happy, really.  We ended up talking on the phone after that for what seemed like ages, and he occasionally sent me emails for job opportunities he saw.  That’s the great thing about this profession—we’re helpers.  We fell out of touch after I got my current job and he no longer was worried about me, and at that point I wasn’t worried anymore either.  I had just taken my first step into the profession and would undoubtedly be taking more before too long.  I was where I should be at the time.

That was early September of 2009.  As I write this it is 2:49 in the morning at the end of September, 2012.  By the time I post this it will be quite a bit later (I wrote many of my posts out before I began this blog, wanted to make sure I had enough to write about.  I’m planning to post one per week, so this should show up at the beginning of October).  The job I took to pay the bills while waiting for the full time job to come along has been my only other interview and only job I managed to land.  The full time job never came.  Nor two part time jobs.  Nor did I ever get another interview again, not a single one in 3 years and counting.

Here I am.

So what do I do?

This may not be the most interesting post, but I feel I have to get it out of the way.  As I lay my life before you, it will be relevant to know where I'm currently working.  I did mention already, after all, that I have 3 years of experience in my field.  You may already be wondering where I was able to find it.

I teach semester-long courses on information literacy at a career college (I also taught technology literacy, before they did away with the course).  “Teaching at a college?,” asks my reader (I know better than to pluralize that) with genuine surprise.  “Why that sounds rather sexy, what are you so bitter about?” 

Oh, well I’m sorry to have come off as bitter.  I was aiming for honest, it just happens that honesty always sounds like bitterness.  If it doesn’t, you’re not being fully honest.  These writings come from a place of sincerity, I assure you. 

But in answer to your question, the problem is that I’m an adjunct, and the job is less than part time.  How many classes I teach, and consequently, how much I get paid, depends on the semester.  At best, I’m less than half-time.  At worst, I’m breaking even after paying for student loans, gas, and car insurance.  And I mean dead even, give or take, with nothing left over. 

The job itself isn’t bad.  It has ups and downs.  I enjoy the people I work with, and I more often than not enjoy the students.  But it can be more work than the pay is worth, and I’m definitely far from having a life of my own.  Ultimately it's not where I want to be.  I want something with better and more structured hours.  Working nights makes me depressed, and not having structured hours (i.e., grading and prep time done at home) means I'll take 8 hours to do something that should take 2 because of ADD.  I want a job that I go to in the morning, get my work done at work, then come home and am off the clock.  But listen to me being picky.  Obviously I'll take whatever I can get at this point, and that's why I have what I have.  It's all I can get.

As far as experience goes, I'm not sure how far this job really takes me.  It is 3 years, but not 3 years full-time.  And the experience I get from it is specifically in instruction, I don't actually work in the library itself.  While this may be better than "fresh out of library school with only fieldwork under my belt" (especially since I do someday hope to have a job with an instruction component) I'm not sure if I'm really doing my resume that big of a favor.  I'm starting to think I may be better off to stop sinking my time into this job and find something I can get more money for, even if the "more money" job is something like a Wal-Mart greeter that will net me no career experience.  So far I've prioritized experience over money, but is this experience actually worth anything anymore?  Especially now that I'm facing the fact that it may be best to stop hoping to get a job in my field anymore, I just don't know.