I've been putting this post off for a while. I posted earlier about a job I came so close to getting after all these years, but came up short once again at the very end. That post was my optimistic look at the situation, and I planned to follow through with a pessimistic look at it.
But the truth is, I'm just not feeling it. And not only did that make it hard to motivate myself to want to do this, but it made me afraid to do it. I've actually been feeling pretty good lately. I've had things in my life to look forward to, even if gainful employment (and everything that comes with it) hasn't been one of those things. So I was afraid that if I looked inside myself for the gloomy outlook that I know still exists in here somewhere, I might just open that Pandora's box a bit too wide and gloom and depression would have dominion over me again.
However, I have more I've been wanting to say, and that means I need to get this post out of the way first. So on the bright side, it was a good sign that I got so close to a job, that had circumstances been different, I might be gainfully employed and living in my own apartment right now. On the bright side, I now know that it's at least possible.
But on the dark side....
On the dark side, that was a damn fucking good job I didn't get. The kind of job that doesn't come around very often. Gainful employment doing exactly what I want to do and exactly what I know I'm good at, while only having to work 80% of full time. Having an extra 20% to myself, to spend how I want. And working in a nice place with a nice bunch of people. That job was at the tip of my fingers, but it came down to five people who decided to pull it out of my hands after all. And just like that, my best shot at a great job is gone.
Now, I might get a job someday, sure. But the chances of me getting a job like that? Well, it just can't happen. I'm no stranger in life to unicorn hunting, but I've never managed to catch that damn unicorn. May have spotted a few, but they all got away. I should definitely not be getting my hopes up about being able to catch this particular unicorn. So no, I'm going to have to grind my life down working 40-45 hours a week or more, 49 weeks a year or more if I ever get a job at all. And granted, that is what most people do, but if there were a way I could have avoided that and had enough time to do some real traveling and whatnot, well it would have been through a job like that. A job I probably can't ever hope to have.
And then there's the other issue I've hinted at before and will hint at again: I want very little out of life. but the one thing I wanted more than anything, it's already probably too late for me to get that. And the reason it's too late is because I won't be getting a living wage until I'm God knows how old (33 and counting). I really needed to get there by my mid 20s at latest, but since I already didn't do that, I have next to no chance even if I get a job tomorrow. Even if I had gotten that job I'd have next to no chance. This is all for nothing.
That's about all I can write right now. I'm already feeling down from this, so I'll stop here and try to get myself back into good spirits. Things are going ok for me right now. I have things to look forward to. And my next post will actually be good news. Back to the bright side.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Friday, December 21, 2012
Paying dues when doing doesn't pay
The focus of this blog, really, is to to describe the employment situation our field is in, especially to new or potential librarians. So when I bitch about seemingly personal issues, the message behind it is always: "this is what you will probably go through if you decide to become a librarian."
That being said, I hate my job.
This is the kind of profession where you may very well end up paying your dues in thankless and degrading ways for a long, long time in hopes to get the kind of job you someday want.
This is my current situation:
I work at a career college as an adjunct instructor. I won't say where because obviously.
It was pretty good when I first started. I liked my colleagues and boss, I liked the students, and I felt like I was contributing in a meaningful way.
I still like my colleagues and boss. The ONE good thing I still have to say about this place is that the people I work with are very supportive, and I like to think I do my part to be helpful and supportive back. It shouldn't be a surprise, it's a pretty common trait for a librarian.
However, when I started I was only teaching 1-2 classes, and I was doing it for the experience, not the money. I had an office job that was my main source of income. That business folded (through no fault of my own.... probably), and I was left with just the teaching job.
That's my brief history, now on to why you never, ever want to work in a place like this.
First of all, there is no work/life balance. None. The job follows you home. You will spend your "days off" grading papers, replying to student emails, and preping lectures. It is an all-consuming job you will be doing for.... hold on, let me move to my next point:
Second of all, the pay is garbage. You will do this all-consuming job for no benefits and crap pay. I am currently making $1126.13 per month after taxes. Notice I said "making" and not "earning" because I earn far more than I'm given. The powers that be have NO concept of how much work they're realistically asking. This is not my personal experience, it is the experience of every single employee I've spoken to there. Every one of them works far more hours than they are paid for. This might be understandable in a high position where you're already making a large paycheck (I would not agree yet, but some could make that argument). However, I repeat: 1126.13.
By the way, this is the maximum (raises not withstanding-- I've gotten 3 or 4 since I started in 2009). This is what I'm currently earning for teaching 3 classes, which happens to be the maximum I can teach. Last semester there was only room for one spot on the schedule for me (which is pretty typical of Spring semester, and not uncommon of Winter either) and I was making 394.66. Yes, that's per month. On my Master's level salary.
So the pay is worthless and the workload sucks. What about job satisfaction? It started out ok, like I said I felt like I was contributing. But more and more, the students are making things not worthwhile. What I'm about to describe may not be typical of all schools, but it's typical at mine:
The students give exactly zero fucks. Exactly zero. I counted. Twice.
At a normal school, a student who misses class will contact the instructor and ask what they missed. That's what we did in college, right?
The students here won't do that. So I email them. At the end of each class, an email goes out to every one of my students with the work attached, saying "here's what you missed," and a re-hash of the instructions for the more in-depth papers. Care to guess how many students can be bothered to take the initiative of checking their God damn email? If you said "not a one" you are the lucky winner of this lovely set of not a damn thing, because I already told you what I get "paid." But you would be correct.
I could understand meeting them halfway, but we don't just meet them halfway. We go up to their door and knock. And they can't be bothered to put on a pair of pants and answer it. That's just their attitude: they don't want to take even a minimal amount of personal responsibility. And yes, we all explain to them how college works. Admissions does it, the advisors do it, the instructors do it. We all tell them "seriously, you need to go to class." And "seriously, you need to do your work." They've all heard it, they don't care.
The problem with job satisfaction is, it's now to the point where most of the students are not putting in a serious effort, and the few that do are often the ones who don't really need a ton of help anyway. I feel like all I'm doing at this point is weeding out the students who are wasting their time, and "angel of death" is not a very satisfying job.
And when they bother to show up? Well that brings me to the last complaint, the workplace environment ranges from "borderline hostile" to "fucking hostile." This job involves far, far more degradation than I am being paid to take. The students fight and push back at you at every turn. No matter how much you lower your standards, it's not enough to make them happy. I gave up on trying to get them to stop swearing in class, all I asked is that they not use racial slurs. I tell a guy not to say it, he immediately repeats it to my face. I had a student rant and argue about every rule I tried to enforce, telling me "I don't like this class and I don't like you." And it wasn't just me. He put 3 instructors through his brand of terrorism before being removed from the school. I had a student (not even one of mine) come into my room and start swearing as every other word out of his mouth. Particularly something that started with "Mother" but then took a pretty hard left turn. I ordered him out, and he walked out swearing at me now with a huge grin on his face, obviously very proud of himself. And he was right to think he got one over on me-- he did. I have no idea who he was, and thus no way to report him. I went to a noisy room next to mine (more loud abusive language. Of course plenty of racial slurs) and asked them to be quieter. The whole time I'm talking to them one of them repeatedly barks "NO!" at me.
...I could go on. For pages.
Even the students who aren't complete assholes by nature wear you down. There's only so many times you can pass out the most dumbed-down research paper you will ever see-- (4 pages long, and we give the students a list of suggested sources. They don't even have to find or evaluate the sources themselves, and we call it a "research" paper, because we've given up expecting more of them)-- and being consistently and unanimously told that "you're giving them too much work" and hear about how cruel you're being before you lose any shred of sympathy for the students, and for humanity in general.
Now to bring the point back around: yes, I'm venting. It had to be done. But this isn't all about me talking about myself. The other point I want to make is this: this has been my job for four years now. This is what I'm putting myself through week in and week out, because as terrible as it is in every aspect (unreasonable workload for crap pay and utter degradation), this is the best I can do in the library world. This is exactly the kind of thing you may find yourself doing for years on end, week in and week out, in hopes of MAYBE one day being able to land something better. How many years? Well, four isn't enough for me so far. I'll keep counting.
How badly do you want to be a librarian?
That being said, I hate my job.
This is the kind of profession where you may very well end up paying your dues in thankless and degrading ways for a long, long time in hopes to get the kind of job you someday want.
This is my current situation:
I work at a career college as an adjunct instructor. I won't say where because obviously.
It was pretty good when I first started. I liked my colleagues and boss, I liked the students, and I felt like I was contributing in a meaningful way.
I still like my colleagues and boss. The ONE good thing I still have to say about this place is that the people I work with are very supportive, and I like to think I do my part to be helpful and supportive back. It shouldn't be a surprise, it's a pretty common trait for a librarian.
However, when I started I was only teaching 1-2 classes, and I was doing it for the experience, not the money. I had an office job that was my main source of income. That business folded (through no fault of my own.... probably), and I was left with just the teaching job.
That's my brief history, now on to why you never, ever want to work in a place like this.
First of all, there is no work/life balance. None. The job follows you home. You will spend your "days off" grading papers, replying to student emails, and preping lectures. It is an all-consuming job you will be doing for.... hold on, let me move to my next point:
Second of all, the pay is garbage. You will do this all-consuming job for no benefits and crap pay. I am currently making $1126.13 per month after taxes. Notice I said "making" and not "earning" because I earn far more than I'm given. The powers that be have NO concept of how much work they're realistically asking. This is not my personal experience, it is the experience of every single employee I've spoken to there. Every one of them works far more hours than they are paid for. This might be understandable in a high position where you're already making a large paycheck (I would not agree yet, but some could make that argument). However, I repeat: 1126.13.
By the way, this is the maximum (raises not withstanding-- I've gotten 3 or 4 since I started in 2009). This is what I'm currently earning for teaching 3 classes, which happens to be the maximum I can teach. Last semester there was only room for one spot on the schedule for me (which is pretty typical of Spring semester, and not uncommon of Winter either) and I was making 394.66. Yes, that's per month. On my Master's level salary.
So the pay is worthless and the workload sucks. What about job satisfaction? It started out ok, like I said I felt like I was contributing. But more and more, the students are making things not worthwhile. What I'm about to describe may not be typical of all schools, but it's typical at mine:
The students give exactly zero fucks. Exactly zero. I counted. Twice.
At a normal school, a student who misses class will contact the instructor and ask what they missed. That's what we did in college, right?
The students here won't do that. So I email them. At the end of each class, an email goes out to every one of my students with the work attached, saying "here's what you missed," and a re-hash of the instructions for the more in-depth papers. Care to guess how many students can be bothered to take the initiative of checking their God damn email? If you said "not a one" you are the lucky winner of this lovely set of not a damn thing, because I already told you what I get "paid." But you would be correct.
I could understand meeting them halfway, but we don't just meet them halfway. We go up to their door and knock. And they can't be bothered to put on a pair of pants and answer it. That's just their attitude: they don't want to take even a minimal amount of personal responsibility. And yes, we all explain to them how college works. Admissions does it, the advisors do it, the instructors do it. We all tell them "seriously, you need to go to class." And "seriously, you need to do your work." They've all heard it, they don't care.
The problem with job satisfaction is, it's now to the point where most of the students are not putting in a serious effort, and the few that do are often the ones who don't really need a ton of help anyway. I feel like all I'm doing at this point is weeding out the students who are wasting their time, and "angel of death" is not a very satisfying job.
And when they bother to show up? Well that brings me to the last complaint, the workplace environment ranges from "borderline hostile" to "fucking hostile." This job involves far, far more degradation than I am being paid to take. The students fight and push back at you at every turn. No matter how much you lower your standards, it's not enough to make them happy. I gave up on trying to get them to stop swearing in class, all I asked is that they not use racial slurs. I tell a guy not to say it, he immediately repeats it to my face. I had a student rant and argue about every rule I tried to enforce, telling me "I don't like this class and I don't like you." And it wasn't just me. He put 3 instructors through his brand of terrorism before being removed from the school. I had a student (not even one of mine) come into my room and start swearing as every other word out of his mouth. Particularly something that started with "Mother" but then took a pretty hard left turn. I ordered him out, and he walked out swearing at me now with a huge grin on his face, obviously very proud of himself. And he was right to think he got one over on me-- he did. I have no idea who he was, and thus no way to report him. I went to a noisy room next to mine (more loud abusive language. Of course plenty of racial slurs) and asked them to be quieter. The whole time I'm talking to them one of them repeatedly barks "NO!" at me.
...I could go on. For pages.
Even the students who aren't complete assholes by nature wear you down. There's only so many times you can pass out the most dumbed-down research paper you will ever see-- (4 pages long, and we give the students a list of suggested sources. They don't even have to find or evaluate the sources themselves, and we call it a "research" paper, because we've given up expecting more of them)-- and being consistently and unanimously told that "you're giving them too much work" and hear about how cruel you're being before you lose any shred of sympathy for the students, and for humanity in general.
Now to bring the point back around: yes, I'm venting. It had to be done. But this isn't all about me talking about myself. The other point I want to make is this: this has been my job for four years now. This is what I'm putting myself through week in and week out, because as terrible as it is in every aspect (unreasonable workload for crap pay and utter degradation), this is the best I can do in the library world. This is exactly the kind of thing you may find yourself doing for years on end, week in and week out, in hopes of MAYBE one day being able to land something better. How many years? Well, four isn't enough for me so far. I'll keep counting.
How badly do you want to be a librarian?
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